Cass ([info]calove) wrote,
2005-11-10 14:33:00
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Drabble series: Forever

Bored, bored, boredy-bored-bored. Sitting here waiting for the client to send me the next set of data to review. I think she may have nodded off. And who can blame her.

I could go do the housework. Or unpack the shopping. Or sort out the kids' bedrooms. Or do some filing...

Nah. I'm going to think about the [info]seasonal_spuffy story. And because I decided this one is way too dark, you can have it now to stop me playing with it and make me get on with the fluff.

It's a series of drabbles... sort of. Not true drabbles, I guess - call them 100-word snapshots. Set sometime post-NFA, in a future where Spike and Buffy are together, so - Spuffy. Only not so fluffy.

Rating? Call it PG.



Forever

“No way that’s a laughter line.” She leaned forward to peer at her reflection in the mirror. “Nothing’s that funny.”

He uncurled from the bed, crossed the room, kissed the soft-gold of her naked shoulder, made her shiver with pleasure. She leaned back against him, tilted her head to look up at him.

“I’m getting old.” A flash of sadness. “Who’d have thought it?”

“You’ll never be old.” He bent to kiss her, cupped a yielding breast, caressed the nipple to hardness.

“Not while I have you to keep me young…” she whispered, surrendering to the oblivion of his touch.

*******

He used to wake to find her watching him, silently, green eyes sombre in the half-light.

Then she’d smile, push aside the shadows, touch his face. “I love you, you know that?”

“I know.”

“I couldn’t bear… if you left me…”

“I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

“Forever?”

“Forever…”

Often then her love-making tasted of desperation, a search for something lost that raised bitter memories of a time before. Afterwards she clung to him, bound him with her limbs as if to tie him to his word, to her.

But in the end, it wasn’t him who left.

******

They sat together, silently waiting in the cold white room redolent with the harsh, metallic reek of antiseptic and fear. He took her hand when they called her name and she smiled, a tight, brave smile that pulled at his heart.

The doctor looked uncomfortable, eyes flicking between them, unsure, hands nervously picking at the label on the file on the desk in front of him as he spoke.

She didn’t flinch, but her hand tightened on his as if she was drowning.

Leukaemia.

There was a certain irony in the fact that it was blood that was killing her.

******

He’d thought she’d crave home, the familiarity of family and friends. But she’d wanted solitude and him, and answers he couldn’t give.

Then, later, just solitude, alone with her thoughts.

When she didn’t come home he hunted for her with the sick certainty of what he’d find. And where.

He held her in the bitter darkness of the cemetery and tried to believe illness had made her weak, that she’d met the vampire due his one good day.

But nagging doubt wormed through his brain fed by the memory of her words:

“What does it feel like? To be Forever?”

*****

There was no moon that night. Darkness, breathless stillness, the world tomb-black.

He touched her death-calm face, aching with the memory of her smile, her voice, the taste of her warm skin beneath his lips, and traced the new marks on her neck.

Oh, love… Buffy… pet...

He dashed the tears from his eyes, bit down on the pain, picked up the stake.

He’d had to do it before. He could do it again.

In the darkness of their room he stood vigil, waiting, praying to any God that cared to listen she was at peace.

And then she moved.

*****

She stretched luxuriously, twined her cool arms around his neck, purred up at him.

“Hi, honey. I’m home…”

His grip on the stake tightened, readied. And then he raised his eyes and met hers and saw past the demon the echo of something, something that held his hand.

If any part of that was Buffy, I wouldn't let her…

He dropped the stake.

She pressed cold lips to his cheek and her voice was a bitter whisper of a memory.

“…forever…”

The demon smiled, but the silent scream in the depths of her eyes almost wrenched away his sanity.

*****

In the African heat she lay on the rough bed, face gentled, young again, demon yielding to the flesh in sleep. He sat, watching, drinking steadily, glass after glass of pain-numbing, mind-blanking spirit.

He’d brought her to bargain for a soul, to make it right, to face it all again if that’s what it took, to go to the gates of hell to make her what she had been - before she could become what she was.

They told him the demon was long gone.

But he’d find a way.

Even if it took forever.

He would find a way.



Back to the fluff...

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  • 59 comments

[info]elisi

November 10 2005, 07:12:00 UTC 6 years ago

Oh brilliant! I like dark stuff when it's this good. Mmmmmm...

[info]calove

November 10 2005, 10:01:09 UTC 6 years ago

We all need a bit of dark in our lives! Thanks, Elisabeth - glad you liked it :)

[info]snippy_kitty

November 10 2005, 07:16:34 UTC 6 years ago

I am supposed to be paying attention in class! Not reading Spuffy! I blame you for seducing me with fantabulous fic:)

[info]calove

November 10 2005, 10:01:59 UTC 6 years ago

Oops.

Well, glad you liked it, anyway. Now - pay attention ;)

[info]kathyh

November 10 2005, 07:31:49 UTC 6 years ago

Oh wow! I thought you were going one way, and then you went another. That was wonderfully dark and so very, very possible. Thanks.

[info]calove

November 10 2005, 10:05:15 UTC 6 years ago

I like to keep you on your toes :)

Thanks, Kathy - I'm very glad you liked it.

[info]jamalov29

November 10 2005, 07:57:13 UTC 6 years ago

You really want a comment?

It's good. It's very good. Well paced.

But.. *aching now*.
*sniff*
*wipes tears*

"He would find a way." Oh Cass! How dare you inflict pain on me like this? Of course he would find a way ,our brave , determined Spike.

I fully believe that Spike would love Buffy in any incarnation as long as there would be something of herself , but he loved her for she was the embodiment of a vibrant life. And that makes your drabble a song full of sorrow.

Not fluffy.. Hum . Considerably dark.
"He touched her death-calm face, aching with the memory of her smile, her voice, the taste of her warm skin beneath his lips."

Do you hear me cry?

[info]calove

November 10 2005, 10:09:03 UTC 6 years ago

Oh, dear!

*passes you a tissue*

But - the end is sort of optimistic. This is Spike after all - of course he'll find a way. And then they'll be souled vampires and together forever.

Or then again...

OK - no more torture ;)

[info]fredsmith518

November 10 2005, 08:12:52 UTC 6 years ago

I'm rushed now, home between school and next out, but this was a great read, sweet, sad, dark by turns and deserves more of a comment tahn this, but i am learning that if I don't comment staright away, I sometimes don't comment at all.
I just love the twists and her desperate he wouldn't leave and then she did in different wyas.

[info]calove

November 10 2005, 10:12:29 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks, Jane. As much as I want Spuffy, I worry about what the furture would hold as Spike ages and Buffy doesn't. And - all that enhanced slayer healing must play havoc with the DNA and the likelihood of mutations and... I really have to get out of the oncology field.

[info]fredsmith518

6 years ago

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[info]calove

6 years ago

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[info]rahirah

November 10 2005, 08:21:39 UTC 6 years ago

Oh, yeah, that's the good stuff. >:)

[info]calove

November 10 2005, 10:14:38 UTC 6 years ago

You're evil, you know that?

;)

Thanks, Barb.

[info]uisge_beatha

November 10 2005, 09:19:40 UTC 6 years ago

Dark and Sad and Wonderful. Of course, he'll find a way.

[info]calove

November 10 2005, 10:15:27 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks, Teri.

And yes - this is Spike. He'll find a way.

[info]thedeadlyhook

November 10 2005, 10:36:32 UTC 6 years ago

Gorgeous. So much expressed in such spare, moving words.

[info]calove

November 10 2005, 11:25:14 UTC 6 years ago

Thank you.

It's not a bad exercise, limiting the number of words. Certainly concentrates the mind and stops the rambling.

[info]hesadevil

November 10 2005, 11:09:02 UTC 6 years ago

Sorry but I've absolutely nothing constructive to say. It's not your writing but rather my black mood that's affecting my reactions to what I read.

You know you're going to have to cut down on the medical work don't you? I found this way too painful to read, particularly the final section with Lurky MIA after 'the slent scream in the depths of her eyes almost wrenched away his sanity'. Very reminiscent of that Munch painting.

Going to watch Lovers' Walk to lighten the mood.

[info]calove

November 10 2005, 11:22:49 UTC 6 years ago

Oh, dear. I'm sorry, pet. This is the last of the dark ones - all I have left to finish is one complete and utter fun and fluff and a minorly angsty. Oh, and a rather pointless little birthday fic that popped into my head earlier.

You know you're going to have to cut down on the medical work don't you?

*sigh*

If only I could... All this reading about nasties does something to your brain. Mind you, the paper on the inflatable penile cuff was a hoot.

Enjoy your Spikefest :)

[info]curiouswombat

November 10 2005, 13:03:35 UTC 6 years ago

Good stuff - I'm a bit brain-dead at the moment from doing 'guidelines' at work, so nothing more concrete is able to ooze out of the brain, between the fingers and onto the keyboard!

[info]calove

November 10 2005, 15:11:01 UTC 6 years ago

Given the circumstances, "good stuff" is eloquent praise! Guidleines, huh? Good luck!

[info]gamiila

November 10 2005, 13:13:28 UTC 6 years ago

He would find a way.

::nods::

Or die trying.

Good stuff. The best, actually.

[info]calove

November 10 2005, 15:12:00 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks, pet!

It's Spike. He won't give up on her until he's dust. And, knowing his luck, not even then.

[info]sistercuervo

November 10 2005, 13:32:02 UTC 6 years ago

I always imagined that would be the way it would play out. Very touching. There's always a tiny bit of hope, even in the most desperate illiness for one last round of chemo or a new drug. She's got her own unstoppable searcher working to save her.
Sad, but hopeful. Excellent work.

[info]calove

November 10 2005, 15:17:05 UTC 6 years ago

Thank you, I'm very happy you liked it.

It's really interesting how people have read this differently - which is kind of what I intended by playing it fairly ambiguously.

But hopeful, yes, that was how it was supposed to end.

[info]beanbeans

November 10 2005, 13:36:12 UTC 6 years ago

Dark and upsetting and absolutely brilliantly done. Your clarity of intention and emotion shines through in these few perfectly chosen words.

Excellent work, Cass. I am always so excited to see new fic from you show up on the old flist. :)

[info]calove

November 10 2005, 15:21:22 UTC 6 years ago

Awww... thanks, beans. Your comments mean a lot to me, as ever :)

I am always so excited to see new fic from you show up on the old flist.

The feeling is mutual

*coughtheconsortsplutter*

I'm sorry I have a cold... ;)

[info]enigmaticblues

November 10 2005, 14:34:31 UTC 6 years ago

I think what I love most about this is that it's so very real. There aren't many who are willing to face that idea of Spike's immortality vs. Buffy's mortality head-on, and to do it this way. That line, "If any part of that was Buffy, I wouldn't let her…" was a perfect use of canon.

Broke my heart, and it was beautiful.

[info]calove

November 10 2005, 15:29:08 UTC 6 years ago

It's tough. I want Spuffy for Spike with all my heart, but there is this inevitable "Spike and Buffy go through trials and tribulations but eventually get together, realise how much they love eachother and live happily... erm... well... they're happy, 'Kay?" moment. Draw a veil. But - what must it be like, to love someone and for them to stay young and beautiful as you age and fall apart? And for that person to watch you? Heartbreaking...

*sigh*

I seem to be writing fics about stuff that I don't really want to face up to right now. I'm going back to the pointless, happy fluff!

[info]enigmaticblues

6 years ago

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[info]prophecygirrl

November 10 2005, 14:44:52 UTC 6 years ago

Excellent! A perfectly believable progression. But, I want more!

:pouts unreasonably:

[info]prophecygirrl

November 10 2005, 14:48:05 UTC 6 years ago

OK, just read your user info, and friended you. 'Cause if you are a feedback whore, I'm a fic whore. And if there are any more at home like this one, I am in, baby! So beautiful and heartbreaking.

[info]bogwitch

6 years ago

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[info]calove

6 years ago

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[info]bogwitch

6 years ago

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[info]calove

6 years ago

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[info]calove

6 years ago

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[info]prophecygirrl

6 years ago

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[info]calove

6 years ago

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[info]bogwitch

November 10 2005, 14:54:35 UTC 6 years ago

That would have done [info] nicely, what are you like!

Very sad. I like the Leukaemia touch.

[info]calove

November 10 2005, 15:39:54 UTC 6 years ago

You think it would have been OK? I wasn't sure if it wasn't too angsty. It would have been a darn sight shorter than the one I've currently written myself into a corner over. Stupid fluff.

Had to be leukaemia, really, given who she was. That and all the morbid papaers I'm being forced to read...

[info]bogwitch

6 years ago

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[info]calove

6 years ago

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[info]ladycat713

November 10 2005, 15:15:09 UTC 6 years ago

This is one of the reasons I like the Spuffy so much, Spike would be the one to stay , no matter what.

[info]calove

November 10 2005, 15:42:48 UTC 6 years ago

I think he'd have staked her if he'd seen what he saw in his mother (possibly...). But - just as William was strong in Spike, I was thinking Buffy would echo in her vampire form - and that he would never let go of.

[info]ezagaaikwe

November 10 2005, 15:19:00 UTC 6 years ago

I don't know what stopped you before. This is brilliant. Just excellent.

[info]calove

November 10 2005, 15:44:01 UTC 6 years ago

It wasn't feeling right. Then it suddenly did. Why? No idea!

Thanks, pet. Glad you liked the complete version :)

[info]gillo

November 10 2005, 15:41:20 UTC 6 years ago

Buffy ageing. :sniffle:
Leukaemia. :sniffle:
Spike unable to stake her.:sobs:
The ending. :chokes:

Lovely. And sad. And very well-written.

Go fluffy!

[info]calove

November 10 2005, 15:47:35 UTC 6 years ago

How can I be so mean to them?

*sniffles with you*

The fluffy is so fluffy it's ridiculous right now. Especially compared to this one and the last one! But it's completely angst-free and fun to write so... fluffy is go :)

[info]gillo

6 years ago

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[info]magista

November 10 2005, 20:31:55 UTC 6 years ago

Oh... that's heartwrenching.

[info]calove

November 11 2005, 00:31:54 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks. It wasn't an easy one to write - but the short, drabble style helped with the not wallowing in the pain.

[info]bearfacedcheek

November 11 2005, 02:56:43 UTC 6 years ago

Wonderful. So much story told with so few words.

[info]calove

November 11 2005, 06:29:35 UTC 6 years ago

Thank you. The sparse style suited it somehow. It would have been hard not to get maudlin in a longer version (or it would for me)

[info]lillianmorgan

November 11 2005, 04:01:38 UTC 6 years ago

Wow, dramatic stuff. Really interesting the bit about If any part of that was Buffy, I wouldn't let her... I’ve always wondered if Spike could really kill Drusilla or Angel or Buffy or Dawn or anyone he really cared for, even if he had to.
They sat together, silently waiting in the cold white room redolent with the harsh, metallic reek of antiseptic and fear.
Beautiful writing.

[info]calove

November 11 2005, 06:37:04 UTC 6 years ago

I’ve always wondered if Spike could really kill Drusilla or Angel or Buffy or Dawn or anyone he really cared for, even if he had to.

I don't know. He staked his 'mother' - but only when he was sure that what was walking around was only his mother in body and there was nothing really left of her otherwise. That seems to be the usual for vampires; they seem to have some of the memories of their host, and some of their characteristics, but they are not 'them'. Spike was different - he held on to so much that was William. Would he have killed Buffy if all that was left was her shell? I don't think he could have bourne seeing that shell walk around doing the full-on evil thing after all Buffy had been. But even so, I doubt he'd have done it easily - he would surely hope. Anyway - I gave him a get out! Just as something of William remained, something of Buffy remained. And he's out to save that.

Ramble much?

Glad you liked it :)

[info]vegmb

November 21 2005, 08:40:39 UTC 6 years ago

I'm such a sucker for the dark stuff. I haven't had a chance to read anything in awhile, and I really enjoyed this.

[info]calove

November 21 2005, 14:58:31 UTC 6 years ago

A bit of dark is to the good. I'm very glad you liked it :)
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